Writing – Organization and Language and Style
STUDENT MATERIALSSTUDENT MATERIALSS-1WRITING – ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE AND STYLE PART 1WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 4.3 ACTIVITYPreparation• Download the WHP Writing RubricPurposeAs we continue the progression on writing, you will look at the elements of organization and language and style to ensure you have a solid grasp on each of these essentials of good writing. You will analyze another student essay to both identify and improve upon these aspects of the essay, helping to make sure you improve your historical writing skills. ProcessIt’s time for another writing activity! By now, you’re probably getting familiar with these. In this one, you’re going to examine another student essay this time against the WHP Writing Rubric criteria for organization and language and style. The essay was written in response to the Unit 3 DBQ, “Assess and compare the impact of the Industrial Revolution on Britain and India c. 1750-1914 CE.” You might recognize this if you completed the Unit 3 DBQ. Before starting your analysis, take a look at the WHP Writing Rubric and review the Organization and Language and Style rows of the rubric with your class. AdvancedProficientDevelopingEmergingOrganizationPresent ideas in a structure that enhances the analysis. Use transitions throughout the essay to make connections clear.The essay incorporates precise transitions within a sophisticated organizational structure that enhances the relationships between and among ideas and promotes cohesion and clarity. A well-executed, logical progression of ideas is clearly constructed, including an effective introduction and a conclusion which follows from and supports the claim and analysis.The essay employs an organizational structure that shows the relationships between and among ideas, yielding a cohesive analysis. Clear transitions support a logical progression of ideas, including an effective introduction and a conclusion which follows from and supports the claim and analysis.The essay uses a simplistic organizational structure, though relationships between ideas may not be consistently clear. Use of transitions is sparse, repetitive, and/or does not show the connections among sections of the text. A progression of ideas is evident, however, the introduction and/or conclusion may not be fully developed or follow from and support the claim and/or analysis.An organizational structure is not evident, and relationships between ideas are not consistently clear. The essay may read as a series of unrelated ideas, as the absence of transitions makes it difficult to see connections among sections of the text. An introduction and/ or conclusion is missing from the essay.
STUDENT MATERIALSSTUDENT MATERIALSS-2WRITING – ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE AND STYLE PART 1WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 4.3 ACTIVITYLanguage and StyleUse specific, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.The essay has an established, formal style and objective tone that is maintained throughout. The essay uses varied sentence structure, precise language, and domain-specific vocabulary in a way that addresses the complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interfere with meaning.The essay has an established, formal style that is maintained throughout. The essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language and domain-specific vocabulary in a way that generally addresses the complexity of the topic. The essay may have some errors, but they do not interfere with meaning.The essay attempts to establish a formal style that may not be maintained throughout. The essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise language that may be domain-specific at times but may address the complexity of the topic inconsistently. The essay contains some errors that may interfere with meaning.The essay does not establish and/or maintain a formal style. The essay uses little variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specific.The essay contains errors that interfere with meaning.Once you’ve reviewed these criteria, your teacher will probably put you into pairs or small groups to work collaboratively on the Writing – Organization and Language and Style worksheet. First, work with your group to identify the major claim in the essay. While the thesis is not the focus of this activity, as always, it’s difficult to assess the rest of the essay without being aware of the major claim, since everything in the essay should be tied to that claim.Next, review the essay, first paying close attention to important elements of language and style. Underline any elements of language and style that could be improved upon. Then, suggest improvements for two of the issues you’ve identified. Next, look at the organization of the essay and highlight any areas where organization could be improved. For example, if there are any missing transitions, highlight this issue as an area that could be improved upon. Next, provide suggested improvements to two of the issues you’ve found with the essay’s organization. Finally, provide a score (advanced, proficient, developing, or emerging) and comments for each of these rows of the rubric. Be prepared to share your answers with your class!
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-3WRITING – ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE AND STYLE PART 1WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 4.3 ACTIVITYDirections: Follow the steps below to annotate, correct, and grade the organization and language and style elements of the essay. 1. Circle the major claim in the paper. 2. Look for any issues with language and style and underline the areas that could be improved. 3. Pick two of the issues you underlined and write your suggested corrections in the margin of the essay. Only one of these can be a spelling error. 4. Look for any issues with organization in the essay and highlight areas that could be improved. 5. Pick two of the issues you highlighted and write your suggested corrections in the margin of the essay. 6. Provide a grade (advanced, proficient, developing, or emerging) and comment for both organization and language and style. Make sure the comment justifies and explains the grade you assigned for each section of the rubric.Essay prompt: Assess and compare the impact of the Industrial Revolution on Britain and India c. 1750-1914 CE.The American colonies were not the only territory to come under British rule in the developing world. More than 70 years after the end of the American Revolution, Great Britain assumed control of the Indian subcontinent from the East India Company and established a new empire known as the British Raj. Britain’s rule over India during this time largely occurred throughout the Industrial Revolution: a period of technological advancement in production and manufacturing. Although economically profitable for Britain, the Industrial Revolution led to a period of significant poverty and famine in India. In his writing to members of the Indian National Congress, Dadabhai Naoroji gives a firsthand account of his experience of British rule in India. As he states, “The English do not allow India to produce what it can produce and the people are not allowed to enjoy what they can produce” (Document 2). Essentially, India has become a means-to-an-end for British economic profit. British imperialism and desire for monatary gain led to significant economic hardship in India. As a result of Britain’s control over the Indian market, India was forced to produce and hand over more than 500 million pounds of capital without any interest in return (Document 2). This prevented any potential for economic growth and left the Indian people in a chronic state of poverty. Economist Angus Maddison highlights the economic disparity between India and Britain from a second-hand, academic point of view. According to the graph, gross domestic product (GDP) increased from less than $2000 per capita to more than $7000 per capita between 1840 and 1950 (approximately the same time Britain controlled India) while in India, GDP remained stagnant at no more than $500 per capita (Document 3). This evidence supports the claims made
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-4WRITING – ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE AND STYLE PART 1WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 4.3 ACTIVITYby Dadabhai Naoroji that Britain was depriving India of economic security for its own monatary gain. Britain’s economic control over India sparked outrage among the Indian people, particularly Mohandas Gandhi. In 1930, he encouraged Indian citizens to stop purchasing British products such as cloth and begin spinning their own, so to withdraw monatary support of British goods (Document 6). Famine was also a significant problem in India throughout the Industrial Revolution. Although in some part caused by “the failure of annual rains”, hunger in India was just as equally a result of “the chronic poverty of the cultivators caused by the over-taxation of the soil on which they depend for their living” (Document 7). Britain’s heavy taxation of Indian farmland left most farmers unable to profit off of their crops, as everything they made went back to the Crown and in order to pay off their debts to Britain, farmers were forced to sell every crop they harvested and were left with nothing left over to store away for future use. As a result, there was no food saved up to eat when droughts struck, leaving large portions of the Indian population hungry. Betty Harris tells of the hardships and abuse that she and others had endured in a firsthand account of her experience as a drawer in the coal mines. She states, “I work from 6 in the morning to 6 at night...I have a belt round my waist... and I go on my hands and feet through the mine... I have known men take liberties with the drawers... some have bastard [children]” (Document 4). Although Britain enjoyed a large economic profit as a result of the Industrial Revolution and their control over India, it is important to note that this profit came at the price of workers’ rights. Labor in Britain was harsh during the Industrial Revolution and workers did not enjoy the same rights or protections given to employees today. Many laborers were forced into working long hours for minimal pay and were denied priveleges such as maternity and paternity leave, sick leave, and paid vacation days. Additionally, many workers during the Industrial Revolution were children as they were better able to “exercise vigilance and dexterity” and learn specialized skills (Document 5). Child labor is outlawed in most of the world today. As are a majority of the labor practices once popular during the Industrial Revolution. In conclusion, although profitable for many countries, Britain’s harsh economic policies in India during the Industrial Revolution directly contributed to the famine and poverty experienced by the Indian people. A means-to-an-end for economic profit in Britain, India suffered greatly under British rule for more than 100 years. Following a long movement for Indian independence, British India was split into modern-day India and Pakistan in 1947 and has since experienced great economic growth and development.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-5WRITING – ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE AND STYLE PART 1WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 4.3 ACTIVITYLanguage and Style Score: Comment: Organization Score:Comment: