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Writing – Claim and Focus Part 2

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STUDENT MATERIALSSTUDENT MATERIALSS-1WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 5.3 ACTIVITYPreparation• Download the Sentence Starters worksheet (optional) • Download the WHP Writing RubricPurposeIn this writing activity, you’ll circle back to the first row of the WHP Writing Rubric: Claim and Focus. You’ll progress from analyzing an essay for its major claim and focus, to identifying and revising these elements in a student-written essay. The move from analysis to application should help you advance your claim-making skills so you can generate your own well-crafted thesis statements and claims. This is an important skill to practice—a clear thesis statement can be thought of as the backbone of a well-written essay. ProcessIt’s another writing activity! And although you’ve done it before, you are once again going to take a look at claim and focus in a student-written essay. However, this time you’ll get an essay that needs some improvement.With your class, first review what makes a claim good and an essay focused. Then, get ready to read an essay that didn’t exactly get high marks for claim and focus. Your job is to revise and improve upon claim and focus in the essay. Take out the Writing – Claim and Focus Part 2 worksheet and the WHP Writing Rubric for reference and follow the directions. Your teacher may also hand out a Sentence Starters worksheet to give you some ideas about how you might revise some of the writing in this essay. First, locate the major claim/thesis statement in the essay, then revise it. Next, look for focus in the essay, and then revise at least two sentences where the focus could be improved. It’s important to follow the instructions in order, since it will be difficult to improve the focus without a clear and convincing major claim to connect to. Keep in mind that improving focus might mean adding more text and not just revising what is there. Finally, look for one counterclaim in the article. You didn’t do this before, but it is part of claim and focus as described in the rubric: “The essay maintains a strong focus on defending a directly stated position, using the whole essay to support and develop the claim and counterclaims while thoroughly addressing the demands of the prompt.” Although a counterclaim doesn’t support the claim, it’s an important addition to essays because it does recognize when something deviates from a trend and anticipates where a reader might push back on the major claim.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-2WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 5.3 ACTIVITYDirections: After reading the essay, follow the steps below. 1. Circle the major claim/thesis statement in the essay. 2. Revise the major claim and write your revision in the space below. 3. Underline anywhere you find focus in the essay. 4. Pick two areas of focus to revise. Put star () next to the text you will revise. Then, write your revisions in the spaces below.5. Highlight one counterclaim in the article.Essay prompt: Develop an argument that analyzes the most significant impacts of industrialization on society in the long nineteenth century (c. 1750 to 1914 CE).Industrialization was one of the most important developments of the nineteenth century and, as such, made a significant impact on all aspects of human existence. During this period of factories and machines, the new working class was subject to harsh treatment and Western imperialism created a scramble for colonial expansion. There were many significant impacts of the Industrial Revolution and people of all classes felt the effects of an industrializing world. Working class people were impacted by industrialization as companies tried to make as much money as possible. As the rise of capitalism led the government to take a step back from limiting a free market, they also ignored how workers should be treated. In a book by a health reformer, he details the plight of the working class in England stating that they had to do the “prolonged labor of an animal” (Doc 1). They were paid very low wages, not allowing them to do anything more than survive on their meager living. In an account of Egypt’s factories, workers “arrive at the factories in good health, the unhealthy nature of their employment, ... render[s] them diseased and despicable” (Doc 2). Workers were considered dispensable to their employers because one person was overworked or injured, they could be replaced. Industrialization led to widespread mistreatment of the working class, which then became the reason that new ideas like political revolutions and reform movements spread and took root in the communities that had been mistreated. If the system would not allow them to better their lives, workers would push for reform to change the system to make it better for themselves.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-3WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 5.3 ACTIVITYAdditionally, industrialization caused Western powers to abuse their colonies because they wanted access to their raw materials. These colonies provided raw materials and a larger market for European goods, which accelerated industrialization. European nations often acquired colonies for a large sum of money, but they were “confident that in the future these [colonies] will repay the outlay” (Doc 5). This “repayment” usually occurred due to the mistreatment of the indigenous people of the colony through forcing them into hard labor for little to no pay. A Chilean labor movement leader said that he “worked twelve hours a day, in the full sun” (Doc 7). Workers in colonies were forced to work long hours in difficult conditions, day in and day out. Similar to the workers in England, the workers in colonies had little to no time for other activities, rest, or family. Often, they were not paid a livable wage in order to maximize profits for an employer or the mother country.Overall, the working class was oppressed in both the colonies and the mother countries due to industrialization in the long nineteenth century which in turn led to an increase in revolutionary ideology and a push for reform. While industrialization united workers against their mistreatment and spurred the development of revolutionary ideology and labor reform, the negative impacts of industrialization on working conditions continue to be felt today. Even now in many nations around the world, workers such as factory workers or service and retail workers are forced to work long hours for low pay and with scant breaks. Also due to the low minimum wages in many places, workers are frequently attempting to survive on unlivable wages.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-4WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT 1750 / LESSON 5.3 ACTIVITY1. Revised claim: 2. Revised focus 1: 3. Revised focus 2: