Writing – Claim and Focus Part 2
STUDENT MATERIALSSTUDENT MATERIALSS-1WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT ORIGINS / LESSON 5.5 ACTIVITYPreparation• Download the WHP Writing Rubric• Download the Sentence Starters posters (optional)PurposeIn this writing activity, you’ll circle back to the first row of the WHP Writing Rubric: Claim and Focus. You’ll progress from analyzing an essay for its major claim and focus, to identifying and revising these elements in a student-written essay. The move from analysis to application should help you advance your claim-making skills so you can generate your own well-crafted thesis statements and claims. This is an important skill to practice—a clear thesis statement can be thought of as the backbone of a well-written essay. ProcessIt’s another writing activity! And although you’ve done it before, you are once again going to take a look at claim and focus in a student-written essay. However, this time you’ll get an essay that needs some improvement.With your class, first review what makes a claim good and an essay focused. Then, get ready to read an essay that didn’t exactly get high marks for claim and focus. Your job is to revise and improve upon claim and focus in the essay. Take out the Writing – Claim and Focus Part 2 worksheet and the WHP Writing Rubric for reference and follow the directions. Your teacher may also hand out a Sentence Starters Worksheet to give you some ideas about how you might revise some of the writing in this essay. First, locate the major claim/thesis statement in the essay, then revise it. Next, look for focus in the essay, and then revise at least two sentences where the focus could be improved. It’s important to follow the instructions in order, since it will be difficult to improve the focus without a clear and convincing major claim to connect to. Keep in mind that improving focus might mean adding more text and not just revising what is there. Finally, look for one counterclaim in the article. You didn’t do this before, but it is part of claim and focus as described in the rubric: “The essay maintains a strong focus on defending a directly stated position, using the whole essay to support and develop the claim and counterclaims while thoroughly addressing the demands of the prompt.” Although a counterclaim doesn’t support the claim, it’s an important addition to essays because it does recognize when something deviates from a trend and anticipates where a reader might push back on the major claim.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-2WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT ORIGINS / LESSON 5.5 ACTIVITYDirections: After reading the essay, follow the steps below. 1. Circle the major claim/thesis statement in the essay. 2. Revise the major claim and write your revision in the space below. 3. Underline anywhere you find focus in the essay. 4. Pick two areas of focus to revise. Put star () next to the text you will revise. Then, write your revisions in the spaces below.5. Highlight one counterclaim in the article..Essay prompt: Develop an argument that evaluates the extent to which the collapse of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty China impacted trade networks up to c. 1200 CE.During the height of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty, trade flourished as goods, spices, and animals moved along the Silk Roads. After the fall of the Han Dynasty in the third century and the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century, the volume of trade declined. However, this decline was a temporary setback rather than a prolonged reduction of trade. The societies that rose from the ashes of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty carried forth the legacy of the Silk Roads.Political and economic instability in China and the Western Roman Empire following the collapse of these empires led to a decline in both availability of and demand for goods. The decline of trade after the collapse of the Han Dynasty is documented in the letter written by Sogdian merchant Fri-khwataw, who describes conditions in Guzang, a city along the Silk Roads: “From inside China I have heard worse ... news day by day ... there is no caravan departing from here” (Document 1). Fri-khwataw describes how merchants loaded with trade goods and travelers were stranded in the city. After the Han Dynasty fell, roads were less safe for travelers and goods. In addition, when the Western Roman Empire fell people had less money to buy expensive things.While the Silk Road trade networks did decline after the collapse of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty, trade did not cease to exist. Once the Tang Dynasty (618-907) took control of China, trade once again began to increase across networks of exchange. By the early eighth century, trade in the town of Turfan appeared to be increasing. Historian Valerie Hansen writes about merchants selling an enslaved girl and horses along the Silk Roads. While trade appeared to be making a comeback, merchants were required to provide guarantors that the enslaved and horses were not stolen (Document 2). The requirement of guarantors could indicate that while trade was increasing, the Tang had not been able to fully protect the Silk Roads while they sought to maintain control over China and increase their military. But the fact they existed at all meant that trade was coming back.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-3WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT ORIGINS / LESSON 5.5 ACTIVITYAs China transitioned from the Tang to Ming dynasties, trade along the Silk Roads continued to flourish. The painting of Buddhist monks, one from East Asia and the other from Central Asia, indicates an agreeable sharing of belief systems between people locatedhundreds of miles away (Document 6). Trade around the Eastern Roman Empire’s capital city of Constantinople continued well into the twelfth century. The Jewish traveler Benjamin of Tudela wrote of his experiences in Constantinople, describing it as “a busy city, and merchants come to it from every country by sea or land, and there is none like it in the world except Baghdad...” (Document 7).The collapse of the Western Roman Empire and Han Dynasty led to a decrease in trade. While it did take a few centuries to recover, trade did not fully go away. New communities like the Tang Dynasty and Eastern Roman Empire emerged and used influence and protection along the Silk Roads to rebuild and expand trade from the 7th through the 12th centuries.
Name:Date:Name:Date:STUDENT MATERIALSS-4WRITING – CLAIM AND FOCUS PART 2WORLD HISTORY PROJECT ORIGINS / LESSON 5.5 ACTIVITY1. Revised claim: 2. Revised focus 1: 3. Revised focus 2: