Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence
WORLD HISTORY PROJECTORIGINS/ LESSON 6.3ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCEUnless otherwise noted, this work is licensed under CC BY 4.0. Credit: “Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence,” OER Project, https://www.oerproject.com/1PurposeFocuson the Analysis and Evidencerow of the OER Project Writing Rubricto strengthen your understanding of strong writing. You’ll analyze a sample student essay for its analysis and focus, and then revise those elements. Revising someone else’s analysis and evidencewill help you develop your own skills for supporting claims with analysis and evidence. Process1.Review the Analysis and Evidence portion of the OER Project Writing Rubric,below. These are the elements you should look for when you review the sample essay. Cite appropriate and valid evidence to support the claim, drawing information from multiple sources to defend the position and effectively refute counterclaims.Describe the relationship between the broader historical context and the topic.Use historical reasoning and thoroughly explain how the evidence supports the claim.Use discipline-specific vocabulary—such as key terms from the lesson, unit, or course—to support analysis.Demonstrate understanding of the sources, acknowledging inconsistencies or weaknesses in evidence, and fully explain the relationship between the claim and the evidence used to support it.2.As you read the sample student essay on the next page,make sure you:•Circle the major claim.•Look for source material (quotes and citations),and underlinethe analysis of the source material.•Highlighttext that connects sources to the thesis/major claim.•Pick two locations where analysis and evidence could be improved upon, and put a star ( ★) next to those sentences.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECTORIGINS/ LESSON 6.3ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE2Essay prompt: How did states respond to the societal and political collapse after the fall of the Roman Empire and the Han Dynasty around 1200 CE?Student sample essay:During the height of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty, trade flourished as goods, spices, and animals moved along the Silk Roads. After the fall of the Han Dynasty in the third century and the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century, the volume of trade declined. The fall of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty led to a decline in trade along networks of exchange;however, this decline was merely a temporary setback rather than a prolonged reduction of trade.Political and economic instability in China and the Western Roman Empire following the collapse of these empires led to a decline in both availability of and demand for goods. The decline of trade after the collapse of the Han Dynasty is documented in the letter written by Sogdian merchant Fri-khwataw, who describes conditions in Guzang, a city along the Silk Roads. “From inside China I haveheard worse ... news day by day ... there is no caravan departing from here” (Document 1). After the Han Dynasty fell, roads were less safe for travelers and goods.While the Silk Road trade networks did decline after the collapse of the Roman Empire and Han Dynasty, trade did not cease to exist. Once the Tang Dynasty (618 –907) took control of China, trade once again began to increase across networks of exchange. Bythe early eighth century, trade in the town of Turfan appeared to be increasing. Historian Valerie Hansen writes about merchants selling an enslaved girl and horses along the Silk Roads. While trade appeared to be making a comeback, merchants were required to provide guarantors that the enslaved and horses were not stolen (Document 2). But the fact that they existed at all meant that trade was coming back.As China transformed from the Tang to Ming dynasties, trade along the Silk Roads continued to flourish. The painting of Buddhist monks, one from East Asia and the other from Central Asia, indicates an agreeable sharing of belief systems between people located hundred of miles away (Document 6). Trade around the Eastern Roman Empire’s capital city of Constantinople continued well into the twelfth century. The Jewish traveler Benjamin of Tudela wrote of his experiences in Constantinople, describing it as “a busy city, and merchants come to it from every country by sea or land, and there is none like it in the world except Baghdad...” (Document 7). Merchants from a lot of regions met on Constantinople to trade indicating that networks had fully recovered by this time.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECTORIGINS/ LESSON 6.3ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE33.Look back at the two stars you placed (the locations where you identified that the analysis and evidence could be improved),and revise thetext,below: Revised analysis and evidence 1: Revised analysis and evidence 2: