Writing: Identifying Organization and Language/Style
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 4.4ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLEUnless otherwise noted, this work is licensed under CC BY 4.0. Credit: “Writing: Identifying Organization and Language”, OER Project, https://www.oerproject.com/1PurposeLook at the elements of organization and language and style to ensure you have a solid grasp on each of these essentials of good writing. By analyzinganother student essay to both identify and improve upon these aspects of the essay, you’llimproveyour own historical writing skills.Process1.Review the Organization and Language/Style portions of the OER Project Writing Rubric(you can find these portions of the rubric on page 4). These are the elements you should look for when you review the sample essay.2.As you read the sample student essay on the next page, make sure you:•Circle the major claim in the paper.•Look for any issues with language and style,and underlinethe areas that could be improved.•Pick two of the issues you underlined,and write your suggested corrections in the marginsof the essay. Only one of these can be a spelling error.•Look for any issues with organization in the essay,and highlightareas that could be improved.•Pick two of the issues you highlighted,and write your suggested corrections in the marginsof the essay.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 4.4ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE2Essay prompt: What were the most significant causes of political revolutions during the long nineteenth century? (c. 1750 to 1914 CE)?Student sample essay:From the year 1750 to the year 1914, the world underwent an intense wave of societal changes and developments never seen before. This period, preceded by the Age of Enlightenment in which radical philosophers began examining the role of government under a newfound microscope of reason and logic, is commonly known as the long 19th century. It included critical moments in history like the American Revolution, the French Revolution, the Haitian Revolution, and more. The political revolutions of the long 19th century were caused by many factors, which differed depending on the particular region. However, these revolutions did share a few significant causes including the circulation of liberal ideas developed during the Enlightenment, inspiration from nations that successfully won independence, and dissatisfaction with authoritarian monarchies.As Enlightenment-era ideas of a government’s role and how it should function spread, they provoked a series of revolutions during the long 19th century. John Locke, an English philosopher who argued that all men had inherent rights to life, liberty, and property, wrote that no man should be “subject to the inconstant, uncertain, unknown, arbitrary will of another man” (Doc. 4). People already unsatisfied with absolute monarchies liked Locke’s ideas, which inspired some to revolt. Locke’s ideas justified pushing back against the rule of someone given power just by their birth. Another example of the profound impact of these philosophers can be found in Mariano Moreno’s petition to the Spanish government: Moreno tells the king that the best way to help Argentinians is to follow “the route that leads to...reason and the celebrated Adam Smith...[which] lead us to see that governments that want to provide for the general good should be limited to removing obstacles (Doc. 6). Moreno advocates for the use of reason and for the government to remove economic obstacles, thus utilizing two major Enlightenment themes to petition for his country’s autonomy: the idea of logic over whims and a more limited government over a tyrannical one.In addition to taking inspiration from Enlightenment philosophers, revolutionaries were influenced by their foreign counterparts fighting and winning their own revolutions. As word of these revolutions spread through international communities across various networks, they sparked hope and build morale. This is apparent in Doc. 2 when the author
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 4.4ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE3writes, “On the establishment of independence of the United States of North America, a vague aspiration from the similar enfranchisement of Brazil was undoubtedly cherished there.” Clearly, these revolutionaries were inspired by ideas that had spread around the world.Finally, monarchs often governed tyrannically and unjustly, which provoked their subjects to retaliate, thus becoming a third major cause of the political revolutions of the long 19th century. Abbe Lefeuvre writes about how the increasing number of poor people (who were “destitute of any aid” from the government) had no choice but to leave for the city just to be sent back to the country where they continued to live in acute poverty. The state enacted editcs to help the poor, but these edicts required parishes to feed the poor. Therefore, it was like asking “for the poor to feed the poor” (Doc. 1). This shows the government was doing a bad job of providing for their people.Because of the circulation of liberal ideas developed during the Enlightenment, inspiration from nations that successfully won independence, and dissatisfaction with authoritarian monarchies, the long 19th century encountered a series of political revolutions. These revolutions and the events that molded them have changed the way societies function and govern, but also how people understand themselves as autonomous individuals. Even hundreds of years later, the events of the long 19th century continue to teach lessons about the importance of freedom and liberty.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 4.4ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE43.Score the essay on each row of the Organization and Language/Style rubric below,and circle the top two areasin both sectionson the rubric where you think the student could improve.ExemplaryProficientDevelopingNot PresentOrganizationPresent ideas in a structure that supports reader understanding of your claim and reasoning:Order the source evidence and explanations in a way that reinforces your argument.Explain how the evidence and reasoning connects and supports the claim.Craft a strong introduction and conclusion.Include clear transitions between each subtopic and section to show the connections among the ideas.Language and StyleSelect words intentionally to communicate ideas clearly, and:•Further your reader’s understanding of your claim and the argument you are making.•Convince your reader of the validity of your stance and claim.•Convey your knowledge about the topic.Usesentencestructurestypical inhistorical writing andvary them to:•Show connections among your ideas, claim, and evidence.•Convey your expertise.•Help the reader understand the claim and see the validity and follow your argument across your essay.Use formal writing structures and language.Use the conventions of the English language so that errors don’t interfere with the reader’s understanding.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 4.4ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE54.How would you coach this student on improving the organization and language and style of their writing?