Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 6.2ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCEUnless otherwise noted, this work is licensed under CC BY 4.0. Credit: “Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence”, OER Project, https://www.oerproject.com/1PurposeFocuson the Analysis and Evidencerow of the OER Project Writing Rubricto strengthen your understanding of strong writing. You’ll analyze a sample student essay for its analysis and focus, andthen revise those elements. Revising someone else’s analysis and evidencewill help you develop your own skills for supporting claims with analysis and evidence. Process1.Review the Analysis and Evidence portion of the OER Project Writing Rubric, below. These are the elements you should look for when you review the sample essay. Cite appropriate and valid evidence to support the claim, drawing information from multiple sources to defend the position and effectively refute counterclaims.Describe the relationship between the broader historical context and the topic.Use historical reasoning and thoroughly explain how the evidence supports the claim.Use discipline-specific vocabulary—such as key terms from the lesson, unit, or course—to support analysis.Demonstrate understanding of the sources, acknowledging inconsistencies or weaknesses in evidence, and fully explain the relationship between the claim and the evidence used to support it.2.As you read the sample student essay on the next page, make sure you:•Circle the major claim.•Look for source material (quotes and citations),and underlinethe analysis of the source material.•Highlighttext that connects sources to the thesis/major claim.•Pick two locations where analysis and evidence could be improved upon, and put a star ( ★) next to those sentences.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 6.2ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE2Essay prompt: How did the Columbian Exchange transform the Americas from c. 1500 to 1750 CE?Student sample essay:The Age of Exploration, and in particular, the discovery of the Americas in 1492, signified an era of significant change. Most of these changes were the direct result of the Columbian Exchange. This was a period when the widespread transfer of plants, animals, diseases, and populations between the Old and New Worlds took place. Europeans benefitted much more than any other society as a result of the Columbian Exchange. The Americas fared far worse, in particular with the destruction of early American communities. From 1492 to 1750 CE, most of the Americas experienced tremendous change such as the decimation of indigenous populations and the influx of new people, crops, and diseases but there were a small number of continuities, most notably the fact that many territories remained under the control of indigenous authorities despite the fire power and diseases of the Europeans.One of the most profound changes in the Americas during this period of time came as a result of wars with indigenous societies. In his first-hand account of the discovery of Tenochtitlan, Bernal Diaz del Castillo portrays in his memoir to the Spanish public the immense beauty of the city, describing its architecture as “like the enchantments they tell of in the legends” (Document 2). *Unfortunately, Spanish conquistadores such as Hernan Cortes were unwilling to preserve such beauty. In a poem written shortly after the conquest of Tenochtitlan in 1521, an unnamed Aztec poet describes the state of the city, describing it as “lost and dead” as “spears lie in the roads” with the “walls red with blood” (Document 3). Gruesome and unsettling, this Aztec poem details how Spanish conquistadors and other European explorers destroyed native societies in order to increase their own riches, without thought as to the consequences of their actions.Spanish exploration and conquest of the Americas did not only transform indigenous communities through wars but also through the devastation of disease. In the Florentine Codex, Franciscan friar Bernardino de Sahagún describes the effects of smallpox on the native populations. He states, “The pustules that covered people caused great desolation: very many people died of them... Some lost an eye or were blinded” (Document 1). Originally intended to be an encyclopedic work of the peoples of the Americas, Friar Bernardino’s writings give a first-hand account of the disastrous effects European diseases had on native populations. *The need for more labor arose. As a result, more than 5.6 million Africans from West Central Africa and another 6.2 million from other communities along the African coast were involuntarily shipped across the Atlantic to work on plantations in South, Central, and North America (Document 6). Forced into harsh working
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 6.2ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE3conditions, African slaves were often seen as inferior to their European counterparts. Unfortunately, slavery and the humanitarian issues associated with it continued to plague the New World well into the Colonial Era, with the racial prejudices experienced by Africans still a prominent problem in the United States today.Despite these monumental changes that occurred in the Americas as a direct result of the Columbian Exchange, there were some regions of the Americas that continued to live in much the same ways as they had for centuries. Ned Blackhawk, a member of the Te-Moak tribe and professor of history at Yale University, explains to historians and teachers in his article “Teaching the Columbian Exchange” how much of the interior of North America was left unchanged. This included the fact that “forms of Indigenous self-rule continued throughout the sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth centuries.” But even after contact was made, indigenous peoples “adapted to the challenges of colonialism’s onslaught by drawing on familiar as well as new ideas” (Document 5). It was this blending of old and new (continuity and change) that came to define the Americas from the eighteenth century onward.In conclusion, the Columbian Exchange resulted in a significant amount of change, much of it resulted in more harm than good. Native American populations were decimated as a result of disease, ancient societies were destroyed by wealth hungry conquistadors, and approximately 12 million Africans were transported across the Atlantic and forced to work on plantations. However, despite these harmful changes, some continuities remained such as the persistence of sovereign indigenous communities in the central regions of North America.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1200/ LESSON 6.2ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE43.Look back at the two stars you placed (the locations where you identified that the analysis and evidence could be improved), and revise the text, below: Revised analysis and evidence 1: Revised analysis and evidence 2: