Writing: Identifying Organization and Language/Style
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 4.2ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLEUnless otherwise noted, this work is licensed under CC BY 4.0. Credit: “Writing: Identifying Organization and Language”, OER Project, https://www.oerproject.com/1PurposeLook at the elements of organization and language and style to ensure you have a solid grasp on each of these essentials of good writing. By analyzinganother student essay to both identify and improve upon these aspects of the essay, you’llimproveyour own historical writing skills.Process1.Review the Organization and Language/Style portions of the OER Project Writing Rubric(you can find these portions of the rubric on page 4). These are the elements you should look for when you review the sample essay. 2.As you read the sample student essay on the next page, make sure you:•Circle the major claim in the paper.•Look for any issues with language and style,and underlinethe areas that could be improved.•Pick two of the issues you underlined,and write your suggested corrections in the marginsof the essay. Only one of these can be a spelling error.•Look for any issues with organization in the essay,and highlightareas that could be improved.•Pick two of the issues you highlighted,and write your suggested corrections in the marginsof the essay.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 4.2ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE2Essay prompt: How did the industrial revolution impact both Britain and India similarly and differently between 1750 and 1914?Student Sample Essay:The American colonies were not the only territory to come under British rule in the developing world. More than 70 years after the end of the American Revolution, Great Britain assumed control of the Indian subcontinent from the East India Company and established a new empire known as the British Raj. Britain’s rule over India during thistime largely occurred throughout the Industrial Revolution: a period of technological advancement in production and manufacturing. Although economically profitable for Britain, the Industrial Revolution led to a period of significant poverty and famine in India.In his writing to members of the Indian National Congress, Dadabhai Naoroji gives a firsthand account of his experience of British rule in India. As he states, “The English do not allow India to produce what it can produce and the peopleare not allowed to enjoy what they can produce” (Document 2). Essentially, India has become a means-to-an-end for British economic profit. British imperialism and desire for monatary gain led to significant economic hardship in India. As a result of Britain’s control over the Indian market, India was forced to produce and hand over more than 500 million pounds of capital without any interest in return (Document 2). This prevented any potential for economic growth and left the Indian people in a chronic state of poverty.Economist Angus Maddison highlights the economic disparity between India and Britain from a second-hand, academic point of view. According to the graph, gross domestic product (GDP) increased from less than $2000 per capita to more than $7000 per capita between 1840 and 1950 (approximately the same time Britain controlled India) while in India, GDP remained stagnant at no more than $500 per capita (Document 3). This evidence supports the claims madeby Dadabhai Naoroji that Britain was depriving India of economic security for its own monatary gain. Britain’s economic control over India sparked outrage among the Indian people, particularly Mohandas Gandhi. In 1930, he encouraged Indian citizens to stop purchasing British products such as cloth and begin spinning their own, so to withdraw monatary support of British goods (Document 6).
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 4.2ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE3Famine was also a significant problem in India throughout the Industrial Revolution. Although in some part caused by “the failure of annual rains”, hunger in India was just as equally a result of “the chronic poverty of the cultivatorscaused by the over-taxation of the soil on which they depend for their living” (Document 7). Britain’s heavy taxation of Indian farmland left most farmers unable to profit off of their crops, as everything they made went back to the Crown and in order to pay off their debts to Britain, farmers were forced to sell every crop they harvested and were left with nothing left over to store away for future use. As a result, there was no food saved up to eat when droughts struck, leaving large portions of the Indian population hungry.Betty Harris tells of the hardships and abuse that she and others had endured in a firsthand account of her experience as a drawer in the coal mines. She states, “I work from 6 in the morning to 6 at night...I have a belt round my waist... and I go on my handsand feet through the mine... I have known men take liberties with the drawers... some have bastard [children]” (Document 4). Although Britain enjoyed a large economic profit as a result of the Industrial Revolution and their control over India, it is important to note that this profit came at the price of workers’ rights. Labor in Britain was harsh during the Industrial Revolution and workers did not enjoy the same rights or protections given to employees today. Many laborers were forced into working long hours for minimal pay and were denied priveleges such as maternity and paternity leave, sick leave, and paid vacation days. Additionally, many workers during the Industrial Revolution were children as they were better able to “exercise vigilance and dexterity”and learn specialized skills (Document 5). Child labor is outlawed in most of the world today. As are a majority of the labor practices once popular during the Industrial Revolution.In conclusion, although profitable for many countries, Britain’s harsh economic policies in India during the Industrial Revolution directly contributed to the famine and poverty experienced by the Indian people. A means-to-an-end for economic profit in Britain, India suffered greatly under British rule for more than 100 years. Following a long movement for Indian independence, British India was split into modern-day India and Pakistan in 1947 and has since experienced great economic growth and development.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 4.2ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE43.Score the essay on each row of the Organization and Language/Style rubric below,and circle the top two areasin both sectionson the rubric where you think the student could improve.ExemplaryProficientDevelopingNot PresentOrganizationPresent ideas in a structure that supports reader understanding of your claim and reasoning:Order the source evidence and explanations in a way that reinforces your argument.Explain how the evidence and reasoning connects and supports the claim.Craft a strong introduction and conclusion.Include clear transitions between each subtopic and section to show the connections among the ideas.Language and StyleSelect words intentionally to communicate ideas clearly, and:•Further your reader’s understanding of your claim and the argument you are making.•Convince your reader of the validity of your stance and claim.•Convey your knowledge about the topic.Usesentencestructurestypical inhistorical writing andvary them to:•Show connections among your ideas, claim, and evidence.•Convey your expertise.•Help the reader understand the claim and see the validity and follow your argument across your essay.Use formal writing structures and language.Use the conventions of the English language so that errors don’t interfere with the reader’s understanding.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 4.2ACTIVITYWRITING: IDENTIFYING ORGANIZATION AND LANGUAGE/STYLE54.How would you coach this student on improving the organization and language and style of their writing?