Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 6.1ACTIVITYWRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCEUnless otherwise noted, this work is licensed under CC BY 4.0. Credit: “Writing: Revising Analysis and Evidence”, OER Project, https://www.oerproject.com/1PurposeFocuson the Analysis and Evidencerow of the OER Project Writing Rubricto strengthen your understanding of strong writing. You’ll analyze a sample student essay for its analysis and focus, andthen revise those elements. Revising someone else’s analysis and evidencewill help you develop your own skills for supporting claims with analysis and evidence. Process1.Review the Analysis and Evidence portion of the OER Project Writing Rubric,below. These are the elements you should look for when you review the sample essay. Cite appropriate and valid evidence to support the claim, drawing information from multiple sources to defend the position and effectively refute counterclaims.Describe the relationship between the broader historical context and the topic.Use historical reasoning and thoroughly explain how the evidence supports the claim.Use discipline-specific vocabulary—such as key terms from the lesson, unit, or course—to support analysis.Demonstrate understanding of the sources, acknowledging inconsistencies or weaknesses in evidence, and fully explain the relationship between the claim and the evidence used to support it.2.As you read the sample student essay on the next page,make sure you:•Circle the major claim.•Look for source material (quotes and citations),and underlinethe analysis of the source material.•Highlighttext that connects sources to the thesis/major claim.•Pick two locations where analysis and evidence could be improved upon, and put a star ( ★) next to those sentences.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 6.1ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE2Essay prompt: What were the major causes of the partition of Africa between 1880 and 1914 CE?Student sample essay:Between the late nineteenth and the early twentieth centuries, the political composition of Africa changed dramatically. What was once a continent ruled by various independent societies soon became a jigsaw puzzle of European territories and seemingly random border lines. The partition of Africa into colonies occurred rapidly. African societies fell quickly to the imperialist aggressions of various European nations, which had more advanced weapons. Western countries justified their conquest of the African continent by claiming that it was “their duty” or “the will of God”. In truth, the partition ofAfrica into colonies occurred for three reasons: a desire to expand European empires, rid the world of what the Western powers referred to as the “inferior races”, and increase economic profit.Written in 1885 for the participating nations, the General Act of the Berlin Conference on West Africa legitimized European colonization and expansion into the African continent. Signed by 15 nations—most notably Great Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Russia, Spain, and the United States—the agreement allowed for freedom of trade, exploration, and conquest, as well as the abolition of the slave trade in Africa. Claiming the will of God as justification for their actions, the General Act of the Berlin Conference gave the United States and Europe free reign over the African continent with few rules established to limit their powers. A 1911 cartoon depicting an African giant asleep while foreign powers divide and conquer the land surrounding him perfectly describes what European colonization of Africa was like (Document 4). Occurring between 1880 and 1914, the partition of Africa into colonies essentially occurred overnight, with theAfrican people waking up to find that their homes had been occupied by Europeaninvaders and their lives drastically altered. As English writer Hilaire Belloc once said, “Whatever happens, we have got/ The Maxim gun, and they have not” (Document 7). Unable to defend themselves against the combined European powers that had at their disposal advanced military technology, the African people had nomeans of stopping the European nations from taking their land and resources. Thus, within 30 years, much of Africa had been divided into European territories, each territory allowing for the expansion of European empires overseas.There was also an air of superiority in the European colonization of Africa, as many in Europe believed they were members of a “superior race”. In an 1877 essay written to convince the British public of the importance of colonialism and European expansion,politician and businessman Cecil Rhodes argues that the European peoples are the “finest race in the world,
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 6.1ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE3and that the more of the of world [they] inhabit, the better it is for the human race” (Document 1). Describing the people of Africa as “despicable specimens of human beings”, Rhodes claims that English colonization and expansion will allow for the population of the superior European race toincrease (Document 1). French prime minister Jules Ferry agrees with Rhodes’ argument. In his 1884 speech to the French public, Ferry states that “indeed the higher races have a right over the lower races... they have theduty to civilize the inferior races” (Document 3).Economic profit was perhaps the most significant reason for the colonization of Africa. The need for exports, as Jules Ferry describes, “was felt more and more urgently by the industrialized population of Europe” (Document 3). In particular, palm oil was in high demand in Europe during the nineteenth century. According to a chart responsible for tracking the increase in palm oil exports from West Africa to the United Kingdom, from 1817 to 1854, the value of palm oil exports increased from 58,286.25 euros to1,755,982.60 euros. These dates coincide with the height of the Industrial Revolution in Europe. In order to keep machines working and running, oil was needed to ensure optimum functioning. Without it, production and distribution would not have been as efficient and economic profit would have decreased. It’s important to note that palm oil was not the only resource European nations were interested in. Wood, oil, natural gas, minerals, and other natural resources were also of high value to the European countries and quickly became a source of competition among nations.In conclusion, the partition of Africa into colonies, although economically and politically profitable for Europe, resulted in a significant change to the African landscape and the displacement of multiple different African ethnic groups. Hiding behind claims of it being “their God-given duty” to colonize Africa, Europeans’ true intentions were to increase the influence of the supposedly “superior”, European race, expand European empires, and create a large economic profit for themselves. The territorial divisions created by the European nations in Africa, which were done without regard for ethnic or cultural groups, can still be seen today in the border lines of the modern African states.
WORLD HISTORY PROJECT1750/ LESSON 6.1ACTIVITY WRITING: REVISINGANALYSIS AND EVIDENCE43.Look back at the two stars you placed (the locations where you identified that the analysis and evidence could be improved), and revise the text, below: Revised analysis and evidence 1: Revised analysis and evidence 2: